I haven’t written in a while and I’ve really been missing it. Ever since I started YouTube, it’s been extremely hard for me to find the time to write. Which sucks because that’s where everything started for me. But, I felt like it was time to sit down and take the time to write an actual blog & update you on something that’s going on in my life..
About 3 months ago my dad told me that he was going on a heart transplant list. He wanted to know how I felt about it and wanted make sure that I was OK with it, which really meant a lot to me. My dad’s been really sick for the last 5 years. The year I had my accident was the year his health started to decline. About a year after my accident my dad’s kidneys failed. I remember I was laying in bed crying about what was going on with me and my uncle walks into my room and says, “you need to stop thinking about yourself because your dad might die today”. In that moment I just broke. I was already in such a bad place and knowing I might not have my dad there anymore literally crushed my soul. I wanted so badly to just jump in a car and go be by his side, but this was at the time when I was still bedridden. I’ll never forget how my uncle broke that news to me. He took something that should have been handled so delicately, and instead launched a fucking missile right into my heart.
Thankfully, my dad pulled through, but it was an extremely close call. Other than going into complete kidney failure, he had terrible gout and chronic arthritis in his feet, heart and breathing problems, memory issues because of all the meds he was on, and about a million other health issues. Around a year after the kidney failure he was doing pretty good, when one day he was cutting the grass (on a tractor- yeah we’re country as fuck) and his aorta split in half. He had to be rushed by helicopter to the hospital. This was the closest he came to death. His surgeon’s first words to him when he woke up were “you’re a very lucky man, Bob”. It was heartbreaking to not be able to be there for my dad, and it was awful for him knowing he couldn’t be there for me when I needed him most. We talked on the phone every day and I could just tell the difference in him because of everything. He couldn’t remember much, short-term wise, and he was in constant chronic pain. My dad and I have always had a really good relationship, I’ve always been a daddy’s girl- like an EXTREME daddy’s girl. We both were going through the roughest times of our lives and somehow we made it through.
Two years ago my dad had complete reconstructive surgery on one foot, then a year later on the other. Having the medical history he does made the surgeries much more risky. It was a very hard two years for him with a lot of complications. He was in a wheelchair for about 2 years while he was going through the foot surgeries. Now, he is walking again and doing physical therapy. So, when he told me he was going to be on a transplant list, I was actually really excited for him. I’ve seen what hes been through these last 5 years and if there’s something they can do to improve his quality of life, I’m all for it. I know that the surgery will be an extremely high risk surgery, but in the end it’s his life and his decision. Knowing how strong he is puts my mind at ease though. Everything that has happened to my dad and myself in the last 5 years has bought us even closer together, even though we were so far apart. Still having my dad in my life is something I never take for granted. I know how fragile life is. I’ve kissed death right on the lips and then gave it a little wink. Going through traumatic times like those, as horrifying as they are, really make you appreciate life and your family and friends. You look at the world so much differently. You smell the air and smile, because you know its been taken away before.